N'kay, kids, as your counselor, I know it can sometimes be difficult to talk about subjects like drugs and sex and alcohol, m'kay?
So, as you remember, last week I told you to write down any difficult questions you had and put them in this box anonymously so we could discuss in class, m'kay?
I got a lot o' responses, so let's read some aloud.
[pulls out the first letter and reads]
"Mr. Mackey is gay."
[the class laughs]
Okay kids, that is not funny! Unkay?! This box is supposed to be used for serious questions! About, about serious issues!
M'kay, let's let's stop the tomfoolery!
[puts it aside and reaches into the box for the next letter]
M'kay, this looks like a real one here. [reads] "Dear Mr. Mackey, you are gay."
[the class laughs]
All right, all right. That's enough, kids. Let's quiet down and try to be mature, 'kay?
[reaches in to read the next one]
Uh here we go. Okay, "Mr. Mackey, sometimes my parents hit me, and you are gay."
[the class laughs harder]
Damnit, is there not one serious question in here?!
[reads the next two letter]
"Mr. Mackey is gay, Mr. Mackey is gay"
[get's the next one]
Okay, here. [reads] I am a boy at South Park Elementary. Sometimes, when I'm sitting in class, my penis becomes hard for no reason. What should I do?
[Cartman cracks up, and the rest of the class follows.]
All right kids, all right kids, that's enough!
[a small bell is heard and Jimmy looks down]
If you all can't be serious about the question box, [turns and writes "drugs" on the board] then we'll just do drug identification exercises, unkay?!